By K Berhanu
A LIFE UPENDED BY ILLNESS AND ABANDONMENT
We often hear that women with cancer are six times more likely to be left by their partners than male cancer patients. I never imagined that this could happen to me — but it did.
This is my story of being discarded by my high-earning husband during my ongoing fight against stage 4 ovarian cancer, and of being left to raise two teenagers alone in the UK, while navigating grief, serious illness, and financial uncertainty.
A Life Rewritten by Illness
I was diagnosed with an aggressive stage 4 ovarian cancer in 2019 at the age of 43. My children were just 9 and 12 at the time.
Since then, I have endured gruelling treatment: two lines of chemotherapy, major surgery, and now oral chemotherapy for life. Only 15% of women with this diagnosis live beyond five years. That number is etched in my mind — I live with it every single day.
Despite the debilitating illness, I have continued to work part-time, cared for my children, and done everything I could to support my family emotionally and practically. With my husband, I believed that we were a loving unit — a couple with a shared past of over 20 years together, having lived across France, Tokyo, and the UK. We had beautiful family holidays, memories, and what I thought was a solid life.
The Blindside discard and becoming a single mum overnight
On 1 September 2023, four years into my cancer battle, my husband blindsided me. Without warning, he told me that he was leaving.
No signs, no discussions, no separation process — just a cold announcement. He had maintained the appearance of a happy husband until the very end. Friends and family were as shocked as I was.
At the time, we had just learned that my father, also a cancer patient, had exhausted his treatment options and had limited time left. Still, my husband left.
Six weeks later, he moved out. I became a single mother overnight, responsible for two teenagers — both embarking on critical academic years (GCSEs and A-Levels).
This was the most brutal thing I experienced in my life.
Grief and Legal Battles
On 7 November 2023, as I was still reeling from the discard, my father passed away.
TWO DAYS later — while I was in the throes of deep grief, mourning and preparing for the funeral — my husband filed for divorce. I later discovered the transaction for the divorce application fee on a bank statement dated 9 November. I have found this to be incredibly cruel.
Later, in court documents, he inaccurately listed my father’s date of death as 12 November and claimed that the timing of his filing was a coincidence. There are no words for that type of action.
To even take the children abroad for the funeral, I had to request consent five times on the day of my father’s death.
In the midst of my grief, he began discussing his entitlement to my pension and the future of the family home. All this while I was receiving a poor prognosis from my oncologist.
I had no choice but to engage legal support to protect myself and my children. The financial settlement became a long and draining process.
The Affair and the Gaslighting
The ensuing financial disclosure revealed that my husband had started cheating in early 2023 with a childhood friend living near Paris. He had made multiple trips to see her — under the guise of “work travel” for his US-based employer. Meanwhile, the naïve and loving wife that I was dutifully looked after the kids whilst encouraging him with his career.
I discovered a bank account and the sale of marital assets (company shares) used to fund the affair.
Until the adultery was exposed, he insisted everything was my fault — claiming I was “controlling”, “dominating” [sic], that “the spark was gone”, and that “life with me was not fun anymore”.
Looking back, it was not just betrayal — it was pure self-interest dressed up as dissatisfaction. He needed a justification for walking away, and blaming me was the easiest one to reach for.
The gaslighting to cover up his adultery made the whole ordeal even more traumatic.
ALONE WITH ILLNESS, GRIEF, AND TWO CHILDREN
A Child’s Health Put at Risk
In February 2024, my daughter — who has a serious medical condition — began having difficulty with her condition. Her hospital nurse messaged her father with urgent medication adjustment recommendations.
He failed to forward the message to me. As a result, no changes were made to her regimen. Her condition worsened, and I had to rush her to A&E two weeks later. According to the doctors, she could have gone into a diabetic coma.
When I informed him about the incident, I learned that he was abroad in France — yet again — without ever informing me, the sole caregiver of two children, one of whom is medically vulnerable.
Since early 2024, he has been spending roughly one-third of his time in France. He has never once told me when he was out of the country, leaving us completely unsupported in case of emergencies.
Absentee Fatherhood
Since the beginning of 2024, he has shown little interest in his children’s lives. He has ignored updates about critical medical appointments, and never enquired about entrance tests for university (like the UCAT), nor university applications, etc.
Our son has not seen him since October 2023. Our son was extremely disappointed in his father and the lack of effort on his part to maintain a meaningful role in his life. This amounted to very sporadic and short text messages only. When our son turned 18, he did not receive any gift at all (token money, book or otherwise), and has not received anything since.
Between September 2023 and autumn 2024, his total physical contact with his daughter — despite living just five minutes away — amounted to 30 hours. Physical then stopped entirely.
I have been a 100% single mother at the time of GCSEs, A-Levels, university applications, driving lessons, etc, etc. I have had to manage it all — while navigating my own debilitating illness, numerous health issues for the kids, and the terrifying uncertainty about our financial future amid hugely stressful litigation for the financial settlement.
Refusing to Pay Fair Child Support
When he left, I asked him repeatedly to pay the legal minimum amount mandated by the UK’s Child Maintenance Service (CMS). He refused and decided instead to pay a lower amount, based on a lower figure than was reported in his P60.
Eventually, I had to open a case with the CMS. They ruled in my favour.
Since then, he has paid the minimum — and not a penny more. Nothing for extracurriculars, driving lessons, pocket money, etc.
Despite his high income, he initially offered to pay only until the end of A-Levels. Only after legal pressure did he agree to contribute during university years — again, only at the CMS minimum. This is in sharp contrast to his own situation where he received parental support fully funding lengthy university education, including studies abroad.
In France where our marriage was contracted (we are citizens), the law mandates a much higher level of support for someone with his income, and right until the end of university education. He initiated divorce proceedings in the UK, where we were residing.
Minimising My Illness to Reduce His Obligations
During court proceedings, he repeatedly questioned the severity of my cancer — despite multiple formal reports from my oncologist. I believe that this was a cynical attempt to minimise his financial obligations towards me.
When that strategy failed, he reversed course and claimed that since I was terminally ill, he should receive a larger share of capital “to rehouse the children with him” — despite playing almost no role in their day-to-day lives.
Trying to Force a Sale of the Family Home During Critical Exams
In his proposed settlement offer, he demanded that the family home be sold in spring 2025 — exactly when our children would be sitting their all-important GCSEs and A-Levels.
Our son had a conditional offer from a world-class university, and achieving top grades was paramount. To make a demand to completely upend his own children’s lives at such a pivotal moment is unconscionable.
Losing Private Medical Cover For My Cancer
When he left, I lost access to his employer-sponsored private medical insurance. I had previously received part of my cancer treatment through it. Now, because my condition is “pre-existing,” private care is no longer accessible to me. I rely entirely on the NHS — which is excellent but severely overburdened and slow.
I Had to Fight — Alone — for Everything
He asked for 25% of the family home and insisted on a forced sale. I had to fight through a private Financial Dispute Resolution hearing (pFDR) to ensure that my children and I could retain a modicum of stability in our uncertain life ahead.
It cost me almost all of my savings.
He also spent a substantial amount, in what felt like a long-term strategy to protect his wealth, rather than an attempt to reach a fair agreement.
I AM STILL STANDING – BUT JUST BARELY
No Family Here. No Backup Plan.
I have no extended family in the UK. I continue to work — as much as I can — to support my children.
The prognosis of my cancer is poor, and I am painfully aware that my children need me.
The Neglect Was There — I Just Did Not See It Clearly
Looking back, the signs were always there, and became more pronounced after my cancer diagnosis.
He did not come to a single CT scan. He was not there when I was diagnosed in A&E. He did not pick me up after major surgery. Even at my most vulnerable, I still did most of the housework and childcare. My parents came over to support me. My illness did not disrupt his strategi focus on his career; it only disrupted my life.
What I thought was a partnership was, in truth, a long exercise in convenience — for him.
He had plenty of energy to single-mindedly pursue career progression, but very little for domestic responsibilities. When it came to routine family matters — school admin, or organising things like uniform purchases or storage for revision materials, tutoring, a mountain of mundane tasks — he left most of it to me without hesitation.
Sharing My Experience
Sadly, my story is not unique. Too many women — especially those living with serious illness — are abandoned emotionally, financially, and physically by their partners.
I am writing this to say: you are not alone, and this should not be acceptable.
We need to speak, we need to be heard, and we deserve to be supported.
To Anyone Reading This
If you are going through something similar, please know:
- This is not your fault.
- You do not deserve abandonment.
- You are stronger than the people who walked away from you.
To the professionals, policymakers, and support organisations: please listen to women like me. We need legal protections, emotional support, and real accountability.
To the ones who stayed silent while watching it happen — I see you too.
And to my children: you are my reason, my strength, and my greatest pride.
K Berhanu
The Discarded Cancer Wife 
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